The first time I worked in a plain clothes assignment I didn’t exactly turn in what I would call a stellar performance. But it did however, turn out to be a lively night. I was working midnights in Patrol, and this particular Sunday night / Monday morning promised to be what passed as a typical Sunday overnight shift, that is, I didn’t really know what to expect. Some Sunday nights up here were busy, others very quiet. There never seemed to be a reason for that. It’s just the way it was. Then again, sometimes you could answer as few as one or two calls and get tied up for the whole shift or longer. 

On this night, I dragged myself out if bed, drove to the station like I did every day or night for so many years.  I got dressed in the locker room with a bunch of other sleepy cops, then stumbled into Roll Call, half awake, half asleep. I stood inspection, then sat down to learn my assignment for the night and what, if any, notable crimes had been committed in the past 24 hours. However, I was soon to find out, that this Sunday overnight would be a bit different for me. 

This night, the shift commander (officer in charge) had two extra bodies, and I turned out to be one of them. By being an extra body, I mean that after all the inside and outside mandatory assignments were full, there being no-one out sick, on vacation or away at school, there may have been a few extra bodies that the OIC (officer in charge) could use at his discretion. Usually, being an extra on the shift meant the OIC would find some monotonous busy work, especially if the cop was junior on the shift. Could be a walking route in an area where complaints had been coming from, working in communications or the front counter, or get buried somewhere, out of sight, out of mind. If you were lucky, you’d score a cruiser, assigned a call sign from communications, and be sent out to whatever part of the city the OIC thought you could be useful.  Or, just as often, keep you out of trouble.   

This particular OIC, tended to take a more proactive approach on shift, which meant he sometimes thought “outside the box” when deploying his shift. So, this night, he told me and Jim, who I came on the job with and went through both Police Academies with, to go change, and we were going to work in Plain Clothes. 

Boy, was I excited! I put on my old Army jacket, jeans and running shoes. Placed my pistol into my off duty holster, stuck it on my belt, hung some handcuffs on my belt, and concealed my badge and ID. I felt pretty cool, going out on the street in plain clothes for the first time. I was going to be able to creep around anywhere I wished in the city, along with all the night crawlers and those who hid in the shadows, those creepy crawlers that were up to no good, and do it all night! I was able to dress and function like plain clothes officers I had seen and sometimes worked with in here in Manchester, and places like Quincy, Brockton and Boston. 

From the day I came on the job here, there was a lot of street crime in the city. Drugs, specifically powder cocaine, some crack, some blotter acid (yes LSD) and it was sold pretty openly in certain inner city neighborhoods. Crack was starting to appear “on the set” in these neighborhoods and we found ourselves losing control of them, one at a time. Drugs were sold both on the street and in numerous drug houses in many parts of the city. So, the usual crimes that accompanies drug activity were plentiful in those neighborhoods. They included Larcenies, Assaults, Burglaries and all types of assorted rip-offs and Robberies. Also, a lot of street level prostitution. This activity included prostitutes setting up and robbing Johns, Johns robbing, beating or raping Prostitutes, dealers ripping off drug addicts (known here in Manchester as the Gank, such as selling an addict Ivory Soap or sheet rock packaged to look like crack, therefore, selling Gank or “Ganking someone”), and much, much more. Yes, you can believe the streets of the city can be mean, and they take over a whole different character after the sun goes down and the midnight hour approaches, then passes.  

As it happens, we had a plain clothes Street Crime Unit which worked 6PM to 230 AM, overlapping our shift. My younger brother, Frank, who got on the job a couple of years before I did, was assigned to this unit, and this night he found himself working alone. So, they stuck him with Jimmy and I. Needless to say, I was pretty happy about that. Me, Jim and Frank, all partnered up in the same assignment, great! The sergeant warned us to stay out of trouble. He told us that if we could, we should try to make a prostitution pinch because of all the complaints we were getting from certain neighborhoods. He also told us not to do anything stupid. He then sent us out with this last stern warning:

“REMEMBER, WHATEVER YOU DO OUT THERE, DON’T GET HURT. THERE IS NO ARREST THAT YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE TONIGHT THAT JUSTIFIES GETTING YOURSELF HURT”. 

And with that the three of us headed out on the street. Frank knew the deal. He was a seasoned cop, so the warning, I felt the warning was meant more for Jim and I. 

I didn’t realize at the time how dangerous it was to hit the streets in plain clothes, trying to convince the assorted thugs and sharks on the street that you are NOT cops. If they bought into that, you yourself could then be marked as a target of a violent crime. My brother knew that because he spent much of his  career working in various full time under cover assignments, including plain clothes assignments. Frank was robbed at least twice that I know of while working plain clothes and undercover assignments. One time, when I was in uniform, I had to kick in a locked door to help Frank and his partner who were struggling to arrest a very busy drug dealer. But those stories are for another time. 

This night we climbed into an old junk box my brother had been driving, which was used for this assignment. We headed out. I was driving, Jim was riding shot gun, and my brother was in back. I”ll mention here that although my brother and I worked on the same PD for over 22 years together, rarely, if ever, did we cross paths on the job, or even work the same shift together. He saved my ass on the job at least once that I remember, and I like to believe I helped save his the night I kicked in that door. This happened to be one of the very few nights we actually worked together in our careers. I was more than exited about this. So, we headed out to one of those high crime, high drug areas. It didn’t take long to come across a male subject who appeared to be “working” the street.  

Prostitution, including male prostitution, was a particularly vexing and serious problem during that time. We certainly weren’t targeting gay males simply because they were gay. But we did target all street prostitution, be it male or female. However, with male prostitutes, or even males just cruising the streets to meet other males for sex without money being involved, too often these sexual encounters deteriorated into one of two outcomes: The male prostitute picks up a male customer, then sets up the customer and robs him, knowing the customer wouldn’t pursue the robbery because he didn’t want his family, employer, etc. to find out he was gay, or, the customer was with a group of guys whose goal was to pick up a gay man and beat him badly, for no other reason beyond the fact that thought the man was gay. There were many predators out there, and unfortunately, this was a common problem. Sometimes, there was no money exchanged between the two at all, therefore no crime committed, unless the sex act was performed in a public place. So you see, when people start saying that prostitution is a victimless crime, that is often not the case.

So as I slow down and drive by, he approaches the passenger side of the car asks for a ride. Now for this guy to get into a car with three males, especially my brother, who looked really scruffy, is in itself an act of foolishness. He is just setting himself up to be robbed, beaten or worse. Quite likely a victim of a violent crime. Like the man once said in the movie, he was setting himself up to be an appetizer for a bigger fish who was going to swim along and gobble him up out on the street of life. But he did it. He climbed into the back seat next to my brother. I pulled away from the curb, and we started the delicate verbal ballet that vice officers often find themselves participating in.

We chatted him up, talked with him, trying to get him to utter the magic phrase, that is, offer to perform a sex act for a specific amount money. We couldn’t ask him outright, that would be entrapment, so we played the word games trying to turn this into a lawful arrest that would stick, all the while doing so without making this guy suspicious of our motives one way or another. Not always a simple task. 

I drove around, the conversation continued, and as we talked about whatever. At one point I told him I had to go to work shortly tapping my prop of a lunchbox my brother had in the car, and that I was looking for a little fun without my wife knowing about it. I also told him I liked men. His response to my veiled advance was to tell me he really liked the guy in the back seat (meaning my brother) and he really wanted to go somewhere with him. This parlay or verbal joust continued for a while, and after a bit, it became apparent to me that this guy was either too shrewd for us, or, he just wanted to get with my brother, no cash transaction needed at all. Finally, I knew we were wasting our time, and Jim, surprising the hell out of me,  suddenly blurts out, “Hey, how much for a B___J__?” At that point I knew we were finished, because even if they guy gave us a number, Jim crossed the line, probably out of frustration. This conversation had now turned and we all new it constituted entrapment under NH Law, nor would it survive any type of judicial scrutiny.  

Suddenly I pulled over to the side of the street, slammed on the brakes which probably surprised everyone, and I told this guy to get out. He protested, I told him in a more forceful manner got out get the F out. He did, but he did so damned reluctantly. As I pulled away from the sidewalk in frustration, he started to chase us, running behind us down the middle of the street. He was yelling and imploring “Please, please come back! You don’t understand! I don’t want any money, I’ll do you all for nothing!” I made a hard left to getaway from this particular character, as fast as I could. That was the end of that. So much for my first prostitution arrest. But, as you might guess, we weren’t done yet. 

During my time in Iraq, I was assigned as an embedded advisor the Third Battalion of the Third Iraq Public Order Brigade, which probably doesn’t mean anything to anyone who reads this.  My brother was also there, assigned to the Second Battalion.

At one point, I was temporarily assigned to the First Battalion because the Non Commissioned Officer in Charge there was away on leave, so I was sent to fill in while he was away. The First Battalion team of advisers was a great group of soldiers. The team was made up of some Regular Army guys and some guys from the Illinois Army National Guard. On top of that, the team leader, who was a Major, was an Army Reservist who in civilian life was a New York State Trooper. Despite the mixture of members from so many different walks of life, I thought it was a good team and it seemed to be tight and have a good attitude. 

One particular day I went with this team on a mission which took us to the Iraqi First Battalion HQ. This HQ, and its companies were deployed the furthest away from our Forward Operating Base. The most remote company was stationed at a pontoon bridge which spanned the Tigris River, and it was about 45 Kilometers or Ks, away from our base. 

That morning we ran the usual gauntlet and managed to arrive unscathed at this Iraqi HQ. We pulled into the courtyard, and we split up and went to various locations within the compound to conduct business. That morning, I made the mistake of leaving my M-4 Rifle out in my HUMVEE and went about my business wearing only my M-9 Pistol. The compound did have a level of security, so it wasn’t like parking on the street and leaving my rifle in it unguarded.

I was going about my business, when I heard a disturbance nearby within the compound. One of the buildings within the compound was once a two story school, but the rooms which were once used as classrooms were now used to house the Iraqi troops assigned there. 

As I approached the area where the noise was coming from, I could hear A LOT of yelling, some in English, but mostly in Arabic. I climbed the staircase to where the disturbance seemed to be coming to investigate. Thats what cops do, right? When I got the 2nd floor landing, the scene I stumbled upon was astonishing. I could feel my stomach start to twist inside me as though someone punched then grabbed then grabbed my innards. 

At the top of the stairwell, stood my Team Chief, the Major, and another sergeant, and they were both pointing their rifles at some of our Iraqis. The Americans were screaming things like “Drop your Weapons” and “We are going to fucking kill you all” over and over again. These two were facing off against about 20 of our Iraqis, all of which had their rifles trained on the two US Soldiers. Or should I say three, because now I am in the middle of it. As soon as I got to the top of the stairs, several Iraqis trained their rifles on me, all the while screaming at me in Arabic.

I immediately knew I was in deep, deep trouble. I knew I was a whisker or a twitch away from being shot dead. To tell you I was shocked, surprised or horrified would be understatement of the greatest magnitude. I quickly sized up the situation, and when I say this, I am not trying to be overly melodramatic, but I knew I had walked, with the exception of my holstered pistol, unarmed into a trap. I was dead and I knew it. Even more importantly, I instinctivelybelieved I was dead. I knew all three of us were dead.

What did I do? I did the only thing a reasonable person who was about to be shot dead could do. I slowly drew my pistol from its holster, raised it up, then pointed it at the face of the Iraqi closest to me. I was surprised I was able to do so and still be alive. He was probably no more than a foot away. My finger was on the trigger. I started to tell to him, in no uncertain terms, that I was going to kill him. During this time, he pointed his rifle at my face. I found myself in a desperate situation. Over and over I yelled. The two groups continued to scream at each other, neither understanding the other, and in some other context, I’m sure the situation might have looked comical. But, you can believe no one here was laughing. Then or now. We were all one trigger pull away from most of us dying. Probably the only thing that saved us was that each of us knew that. I think the young man I was ready to kill understood at some level the reality of the moment. He was certainly ready to kill me. I was ready to kill him. I don’t think at that point either of us ever thought of surviving. I know I didn’t. 

During this standoff I can tell you that time stood still for me. I don’t know how much time had passed, but the only thought I can remember bouncing around inside my overactive brain was that I knew I was dead. I had committed to kill this one Iraqi on my way out of this life. I figured if I was lucky, I’d get one shot off. I looked him in the eye. I told him. More than once I told him. I screamed at him over and over things like, ‘motherfucker, you’re dead’. ‘I’m going to kill you’. I had sort of made peace with it. As much as anyone can make peace with violent death, if you are afforded the chance.  I accepted it. I had the ability to accept the situation for what it was. My only thought was, I was taking this one MotherFUCKER out with me. I wasn’t going alone. I remember no other thoughts. No sorrow, no loved ones, not earn fear. Nothing. But, I was scared.      

After what seemed like forever, someone, I don’t know who, lowered their rifle. There was a momentary silence, soon cooler heads prevailed. Slowly, quietly, all the rifles were lowered, and when I sensed the danger had passed, I gradually placed my pistol back into my holster. After a few seconds of milling around, everyone involved just kind of shuffled off to wherever they came from. I slowly backed down the stairs. I was amazed I was still alive.

To this day, I don’t remember the conversation I had immediately afterwards with the other two soldiers or the team. I’m sure this incident was brought up during the After Action Review following the mission. I don’t know if a report on the incident was sent up the chain of command. I assume there was, but I never heard much discussion of it after that day. We completed our mission that day, but looking back on it now, I think I may have actually have been somewhat numb or in shock for a bit after this incident. I do believe I wrote home about it. I functioned, but don’t remember a lot about it.

Later, I learned that the incident started before my arrival when one of our Iraqi interpreters got into some kind of an argument with one of the Iraqi privates. There was a perceived insult of some kind, one of them threatened to kill the other (the interpreter was unarmed) the Iraqi soldier threatened to shoot the interpreter with his AK-47. This in turn  caused our Team Chief and the other sergeant who were nearby, to draw down on the Iraqi with their rifles. From there, the situation escalated out of control. The occupants of the nearby rooms emptied out. I  probably didn’t help the situation when I foolishly wandered up and in between the two groups. I immediately took a position standing next to my two comrades. There was no retreat for me. No where to go. No cover to be had. I wouldn’t have left if I could. Not even the classic fight or flight syndrome. I guess that’s about the only thing good I can say about my actions that day.  Looking back, I can honestly say that I took a position next to my brothers. That, and the fact that we all, American and Iraqi alike, survived to fight another day.

Once order was restored, everyone slowly went on with their business. Except that I never again, ever, when outside the wire, left my rifle behind. Hey, we learn lessons everyday in life, right? Some more costly that others…

Last night I watched a movie called The Story of GI Joe, and although I’ve seen parts of it over the years, last night was the first time I’ve seen it in it’s entirety. The movie made a strong enough impression on me that I decided to write a few paragraphs about it today. 

If it is possible to capture the misery, tragedy and transition of the infantry soldier during combat in two hours, this movie comes as close as any I’ve seen. 

The movie was made in black and white in 1945. I would guess that between some of the characters and they way they were portrayed, coupled with the age of the movie, many people my age or younger could consider the movie outdated. But when I compare this movie to such movies as Full Metal Jacket or Saving Private Ryan for example, there was no gore, no  sense of adventure or suspense you may experience watching those movies. This movie tries to illustrate the misery of war through the eyes of famed war correspondent Ernie Pyle, without, in my opinion, a lot of commentary, drama or overstatement. 

The movie starred Burgess Meredith as Ernie Pyle, (Did he ever look young?) along with Robert Mitchum as Captain Walker, who was the company commander of C Company, 18th Infantry Regiment. Now the 18th Infantry was and is a real unit within the Army and it has a long and impressive lineage. I had the honor of serving in that regiment back in the 80’s. During WWII it was one of three regiments (the other two regiments were the 16th and 35th Infantry) that made up the 1st Infantry Division, also known as the Big Red One.  The 18th did fight in Tunisia and Sicily, but it did not fight in Italy or at Monte Cassino as depicted in this movie. In fact, the day that the US Army marched into Rome the 18th landed at Omaha Beach, so that little piece of the story is fictional. 

That being said, everything else in the movie is historically accurate as far as I can tell. I also know that at least some of the incidents portrayed in the movie actually occurred because I read about them in Pyle’s book. 

The movie follows Pyle, as he travels with and writes about Company C. During his “journey” with these American fighting men. He meets and develops close relationships with Captain Walker and the rest of the company. It becomes apparent early on, that the troops he traveled with and wrote about came to respect Pyle for sharing their hardships and danger with them. He comes and goes to and from C company throughout this part of the war. The story is told, in my opinion, as seen from the eyes and experiences of Pyle. Although the movie is about him, at the same time he manages to place the focus on the ordinary infantryman. 

Pyle first meets C company and the then Lieutenant Walker after they first arrive in Tunisia, part of a green and untested Army. It depicts the scene when the company suffers its first combat death, by showing a dead soldier which we just met lying on the road near an ambulance as the company pulls away. A short time later, Pyle and Walker are in the battalion HQ as the situation on the ground deteriorates, and they are forced to abandon their Command Post (CP) and flee the German breakthrough at Kasserine Pass, leaving behind one of their dead. 

Pyle later catches up with C Company in Sicily, and the now Captain Walker explains that his company, (since the defeat at Kasserine) has come together and become a hardcore veteran group of killers (out of necessity).

I found the scenes that show the company fight it’s way though Sicily and Italy’s hills and villages pretty compelling and well done. The movie does a good job intermixing actual combat footage with the actors as they recreate the battles and lives of the Infantryman. As a former infantryman myself, I think they did a superb job of recreating and depicting the day to day misery that the typical infantry soldier would have experienced anywhere they fought during that war, but in this case Italy. 

The movie also struck a realistic chord with me, as it shows very understated and unceremonious scenes of soldiers being killed in action. One minute they are there, part of the fight, then they suddenly fall and are gone. No blood, gore or realistic scenes of what enemy fire actually does to the human body, but that is OK with me. To me, the realism was that one moment they were alive, the next they were lying dead. No overly dramatic depictions of these men and how they died in combat. The simple fact that they died suddenly and violently was dramatic enough.

The movie reminded me of just how awful and brutal the Italian Campaign was (was there a campaign anywhere during that war that wasn’t brutal ?) I personally think maybe the war fought in Italy has been overshadowed over the years by the campaigns fought in France, Belgium, Germany and many campaigns in the Pacific. Salerno, Anzio, the Po Valley and the Rapido River crossing, Monte Cassino and the breaching of the various German defensive Lines, just to mention a few, were all slow, intense and costly operations for the Allies who fought and died, often miserably, for every yard gained and retaken from the Nazis.  

I think Robert Mitchum does a great job. As the company gets bogged down in miserable conditions, and the death toll rises, at one point he fights a losing battle to stay awake, he laments to Pyle, that there are so many names of those in the company that have been killed under his command that he feels like a murderer. You can believe he was really burned out.

There is a scene when he points his weapon at and threatens to kill a mess officer if he doesn’t come up with hot turkey and cranberry sauce for his troops, all of who missed out on that Christmas Day meal because they were on the front line. Later, Pyle pulls a left over turkey leg out of his pocket, picks the lint and whatever off of it, then offers it to the captain. 

There is another painful scene where one of the veteran and most dependable sergeants in the company comes apart and loses control. While several of the troops fight to control him and forcibly take him back for medical care, this plays out, with the soldiers, who are filthy, wearing rags and covered on mud and slime, in front  of an incredulous group of newly arrived replacements who are clean, dry and shaven. They no doubt wonder just how bad the situation is that they find themselves in. The contrast between the grizzled veterans and the new troops couldn’t be more obvious, but at the same time it’s understated. 

Finally, Pyle, after being a way for a while, catches up with the remnants of C company. As he joins them during a break, a long column of mules are led down from a hilltop, each bearing the body of a dead American Soldier, slung across the mule in a most undignified manner. As they start arriving bearing their gruesome cargo, the men start to recognize some of the soldiers brought down as being their own. Some of these dead soldiers are soldiers we have followed and come to know from the beginning of the film. 

The scene that plays out (which was made famous in one of Pyle’s books) is difficult to watch without triggering some emotions. In the end, after the troops pay their last respects, the survivors headed out limping and trotting to catch up with the advancing column of GIs as they continue onto the seemingly endless war that still needs to be won.  

Tragically, in real life, Pyle was later sent the Pacific, and he was killed by a Japanese machine gun during a battle on an island just off Okinawa. I’m not sure he ever got to view the movie about himself. As old as the movie was, I was pretty impressed by it and the story it told. Parts of the movie triggered reactions within me, that sometimes are better left alone, but life doesn’t always work that way. Overnight, I dreamt about the movie and the characters as I tried to sleep. On the other hand, it made me proud to have earned the right to wear blue rope and crossed rifles that signify my having served as an Infantryman. In the end, I think it is a really good film which vividly portrays the misery of ground combat, as well as the suffering that is visited upon those we send to fight our wars. 

Recently, I had an anniversary of sorts. January 28, 1991, was my first day at the Manchester NH Police Dept. I had been sworn in with 18 others earlier in the month. At the time, at 35 years old, I was the oldest police recruit to have ever been hired in Manchester, at least in modern times. What followed was ten weeks at the Manchester Police Academy, then ten more at the state academy, where we lived Mon-Fri. I wasn’t the oldest guy up there still though I held my own. The cadre knew I had been an Army Drill Sergeant, so they dogged the hell out of me. I took it all good natured, and I know they appreciated that, and they had fun turning the screws on me and I cheerfully (usually) took whatever they handed out. In the end, upon graduation, they gave me the “Class Motivation Award” which still hangs on my wall. In fact, the Manchester guys took many of the class awards.

After graduating, I did a miserable three weeks duty with the Army, then worked the rest of the summer 6PM-230AM. What a wild summer it was! Shootings, a couple of murders, I learned fast. I even took a dying declaration in an ambulance which resulted in the conviction and prison time of two violent thugs.

I commuted from Weymouth (Mass) from January to July, till we finally found a house where I still reside today. My family moved to Manchester, and, unfortunately, my children were taken out of their schools, away from their friends and their childhood home. I still  sometimes feel that was a selfish decision on my part. 

I was shocked at how busy and violent Manchester was that summer, but that suited me just fine. I had a good career. We had our problems up here over the years, but I weathered them. I split my career between street patrol and investigations, loving both, never having an interest in being promoted, deciding instead to work cases and become a dedicated union man. 

I spent Six years in what was then a national model Domestic Violence Unit, specialized In investigating sexual assaults with adult victims for many years. I spent some time investigating financial crimes, and of course, worked several homicides over the years. I also had the good fortune to work with some great partners. 

My friend, Officer Michael Briggs was murdered while responding to a domestic dispute in 2006. Actually, he was trying to apprehend the suspect from that domestic call. I had the proud but heartbreaking privilege to participate in the investigation of his murder. His killer was apprehended and arrested in Boston, and this event forged a strong bond between the Boston and Manchester police departments, that still exists today. Boston PD is in many ways a class organization, and we will always be grateful to them. Perhaps we were able to repay them somewhat, when, in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombing, our SWAT team was on the ground, in Watertown, side by side with our brothers and sisters from Massachusetts. We also had a list of MPD officers who volunteered to go down the next day to relive our SWAT team, but in the end, the bomber was apprehended while our SWAT team was searching nearby. 

A few years after Mike was murdered in the line of duty, another friend, (who I didn’t know very well at the time) Officer Dan Dougherty was shot five times while chasing an armed suspect on foot. I participated in that investigation as well. 

It was a miracle that Dan survived, persevered, and came back to the job. It is a testament to who he is as both a cop and a person. Those incidents were both high points and low points of my career simultaneously. There were many others. 

Early in my career, I sat at a crime scene where a five year old boy was murdered by his mother. She impaled him to the kitchen floor with a sword. Believe me, we see the darkest of the dark, but also, at times, the best of humanity. I think though, unfortunately, we see more dark that good. 

I assisted in the delivery of a baby girl, on one of my birthdays, no less. I’ve attended may autopsies, something I believe no one should ever have to see. I’ve notified and assisted people with the sudden deaths of their loved ones. Mostly though, I rode along on the day to day ebb and tide of life and humanity, observing so much of life and death, often a participant  in many, many human dramas. I always tried to help, but too many times I couldn’t. However, despite it all, I still feel it was a privilege to have done so.  

To my family, I thank them for their love and support. I am truly sorry for all I missed, and forcing my wife to bear the burden of raising a family with an often absent husband. I only hope that having been able to help provide a good home for my family and decent retirement helps to make up for all I wasn’t around for, and the pain in the ass I’ve been, especially to my kids.

I also had the good fortune to have served on Manchester PD with my brother, who was a great cop. Unfortunately, our paths did not cross often on the job, but we worked a few cases together, and shared some memorable experiences.

Please don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing special about my own police career. Many cops have experienced much more trauma, and paid dearly for their time wearing the badge. So, when you see a cop, or know a cop, regardless of where they work, know that they are experiencing life changing events on a day do day basis that most people could never imagine, nor should they. One thing that all cops have in common, is that when they see each other, they KNOW. And, they don’t even have to talk to each other. They just know. About life, about the job…

I came out as a wiser man, I think, perhaps very cynical about life, but any cop who says the job hasn’t damaged them or otherwise caused them problems in life, is either in denial, or not being truthful. I never changed the world, I was wise enough not to try. But I truly hope that, occasionally, I was able to do some good for someone in need of help at a low point in their life. 

In the end, I am proud to have had the privilege to have worn the badge all these years. I am proud to have been a member of this profession and serving alongside so many of my brothers and sisters. For those of you who know me, Thanks for listening. I want you to know I never forgot where I came from.

One of the calls that I was sent to when I worked patrol that stands out in my memory was a call for a foul odor. It was a winter dayshift, the week following Thanksgiving. Rob M. was sent to the call with me. 

Rob was a great guy and great cop. He was already on the job when I arrived, and he retired a few years before I did. But, as far as the job went, he was always a complete gentleman in every sense of the word when he dealt with unreasonable people on the job. I never, ever saw him lose his temper any time I worked with him. During my time in patrol, I worked on and off with Rob and later our paths crossed again when we worked in detectives. 

Calls for foul odors or bad smells are not uncommon, but it wasn’t like you got them every week, thankfully. In many cases, once you were sent to one you always had a feeling it was going to have a bad ending and in any case I always headed to those calls with an ominous feeling, and a tin of VicksVapoRub 

On this day, we were sent to a building on the West side of Manchester which was a typical (for Manchester) three story six family tenement. These buildings, once you entered the common area,  often smelled of various types of food cooking from the apartments within. In the bad buildings they often smelled of garbage that may have been strewn around, sometimes worse. 

We got to this building late morning, and the trash cans were lined up neatly in the side alley and when we entered the building it wasn’t too bad. There were two apartments on each side with a main stair case that goes up between them. 

When Rob and I entered the front door, the inside was clean.  We stopped and sniffed the air. Sure enough, there was a faint smell in the air, similar to rotting garbage, and we both gave each other that knowing look as though to confirm what we both feared. 

Problem was, the odor, although noticeable, was slight, so we really couldn’t tell where it was originating from, but we had to investigate further to locate the source. 

The first apartment door we knocked on was I East. Eventually, an elderly guy came to the door. He wasn’t very friendly or co-operative.  He was dressed in a sleeveless T-shirt and boxer shorts. We explained to him about the call we got, and asked if everyone was OK in his apartment. He stated he didn’t know anything about a foul odor, and closed the door on us. 

We went to each apartment. No one else answered the door for us. We walked down to the first floor to decide the next step. Eventually, we decided to try to talk to the old timer who answered the door, see if we could get into his apartment. 

We knocked for a few minutes, eventually he answered the door again, and he was pretty surly. We chatted him up again, except this time I put my foot in the door so he couldn’t close it on us. Sure enough, as we talked to him, we both felt that the odor we could smell was probably emanating from his apartment. 

The old timer did not want to let us in.  He told us he lived alone, but at this point I think Rob and I were starting to fear the worst. So, finally we decided we had enough information to believe something was wrong in the apartment. This call had turned into a “check condition” or welfare check on the old timer, hence justifying entering his apartment without his permission. 

When we went in, I found the apartment was really, really hot, the temp was around 90. It was cold out, but the heat inside was very, very oppressive. That’s the reason the guy was dressed in his underwear. The apartment wasn’t too dirty, it was sparsely furnished, but for sure, this guy appeared to live a lonely and not very cheerful existence, which is, unfortunately not uncommon for many elderly citizens. 

One thing for sure, we felt the odor was definitely strong inside this apartment. So, over his objection, I started to look around. 

By this time, I was pretty convinced that someone, possibly his wife, if he had one, had died and was laying and decomposing in one of the rooms.

The sweat was rolling down my face by this time, and the smell was starting to make me a bit nauseous. I came to a room with the door closed. The odor was really strong, here, so I opened the door, and went in, absolutely expecting the worse. 

Immediately, when I walked into the room, I almost threw up. The smell was so bad, the temperature so high, it was a real act of police poise not to have lost it and vomited on the spot. 

I looked around, and found with the exception of a kitchen chair in the middle of the room, the room was empty. However, there was one thing. Sitting on the chair was a large pot. Inside the pot I found a rotting, Butterball turkey, that apparently was once frozen. The wrapper and the Turkey had blown up, the gas and odor was one of the worst smells I have ever had to endure. 

Well, I immediately removed the pot and its contents, and ran, and I mean I ran, out the door, into the alley and placed it into a trashcan that had a lid. God help the next person who came along after me and removed the cover. 

Back inside, we opened the windows and tried to air out the apartment for the guy. He was still not happy that we were there. However, our on scene investigation, revealed a few things about this gentleman-

-The night before Thanksgiving, he took the frozen turkey, placed it in a pot of warm water in order to thaw it out, placed the pot in the room and closed the door. His plan was to cook it on Thanksgiving Day.

-He then promptly forgot about it. Furthermore, he had long ago lost his sense of smell, so as bad as it was, he never noticed it, never went back inside the room after closing the door. Until we did. 

-He told us he was always cold, and that is why he kept the heat so high within the apartment. Apparently he was also suffering from some degree of Dementia. 

-After looking around taking notes, checking his food supply and so forth, I came to the conclusion that he was getting to a point in his life where he wasn’t able to care for himself, and was probably self neglecting. We were not able to locate or call any relatives that I can remember, so, we did a report and forwarded it to Adult Protective Services for them to follow up on. 

Finally, it was time to get the hell out. Sadly, there wasn’t  much more we could do for the guy, and I hated to leave him alone, but he insisted he wanted us to leave and declined any further assistance. I will say this, I was almost gleeful when i escaped that apartment and that building and started breathing the first fresh air since our arrival the previous hour. 

As I was leaving, the guy started yelling at me demanding I return the pan I threw in the trash. He said there was nothing wrong with the pan, and after a minute or two, trying to reason with him, it was time to go. 

I got into my cruiser, and as I turned the corner into the alley, I could smell the turkey in the alley as I drove away. 

After getting as far away from this building as possible, I cleared the call as Solved at Scene, report to follow and referral to APS. The foul oder call really turned out to be a fowl odor.

Well, it is Sunday night, 1115 PM, and I sit here as I have for the past 24 hours, thinking about last night’s incredibly marvelous reunion. When it came to an end, I went back to my hotel, where my wife was waiting for me, and got very little sleep. 

Each time I fell asleep, I awoke, often suddenly, after dreaming about the reunion itself, or someone I knew, or some point in my life as it related to my time at Quincy High School. It was so very long ago, yet when compared to my life as a whole, it was such a short increment. But, the impact the time I spent there, and so many people who shared my time there had on my life going forward is immense to the point that I find it impossible to overstate or exaggerate. It is certainly difficult to explain to most folks. I am sure many don’t feel the same way about it as I do. But, last night, the harder I tried to fall asleep, the more thoughts and memories fought their way into my mind, which was firing on all cylinders until it started to get light outside.

By the time I noticed it was getting light outside, I found myself able to put some of these thoughts and feelings into a perspective, plug them into my own personal time line, at least in my head. It was something that probably wouldn’t make sense to anyone other than myself. But hey, like all of us, I look at life though the prism that our experiences have created for each of us. Some of us are better at controlling that lens or prism than others.

As I look back on those 45 five years, it seems as though when I graduated and finally left Quincy High School, leaving almost all of you I’d known there, I had been shot out of a cannon, or catapulted, into life from that day forward. 

At times, as I seemingly flew through life, trying to navigate and control my journey, I encountered so many twists and turns, different roads to decide on, turns and paths to take, or not. So many decisions, many simple and inconsequential, others with long lasting consequences, both good and bad. In each case, they were decisions that I and those who loved me had to live with.

Numerous times, during that journey, which we are all forced to travel, I often felt as though I was moving too fast, with so many challenges, that it was hard to navigate properly, if at all. Sometimes, the decisions I made seemed to be preordained. Other times, it seemed that I had to scratch, pull, push myself forward, even as time passed me by at it’s slow but ever steady and unrelenting pace. 

There were times when I wanted to stop, slow down, if even for just a bit. But, that was not to be. Time marches on, to its relentless, ever steady cadence, much like a well disciplined, stoic and ever determined Infantry Battalion, marching forward to face whatever it’s fate may be.

Except for last night. Last night, for me, time stood still for 4 hours. For 4 hours, not only did time stop, but I was actually able to take a breath, execute an about face, and gaze back upon the journey which I had (we all had) been launched into 45 years ago. It was like being able to stick my head up, out of the tube I’ve been in, and look back upon the road traveled. 

It was magnificent for me to be able to do so. It is Indescribable in so many ways. For my part, I found myself in that safe space I have sometimes yearned for, always remembered fondly, with so many of those who had surrounded me in those days. That was before I had been flung into adult life, leaving the sanctuary of QHS forever. Reluctantly, I left the place and the people. I had no choice. None of us do. 

When I graduated, I had hopes for a good future, but with those hopes I hauled with me a heavy burden of doubt and misgivings. So many of the people that I cared for, some going back to my days at the Pollard school, I had left behind.

Sadly, and suddenly, the realization came to me, that time hadn’t really stopped after all, for it was 11 O’clock, and time for us to go our separate ways, as we had done so many times before. That melancholy feeling came upon me, kind of wrapped me within in it’s gloomy shadow, and held me there. The realization set in that for most of you, it would be five more years before we would see each other again. Five more years before we, as a group, get the chance to seemingly stop the clock once more, for just a few hours, and enjoy each others company, like we were able to do back at QHS, so long ago.

Tomorrow, we’ll all get back to life, if we haven’t done so already, and for me anyway, this empty feeling will fortunately fade, not soon enough for me, as it has in years past. The feeling, for me, goes from complete joy, to  bittersweet and eventually sadness. But, as I rejoin the present, thankfully, all those emotions go away. And then, I manage to smile. 

Going forward, I hope to stay in touch with as many of you as I can. I love you all.

One night, early in my tour in Iraq, I had to use the latrine. Nothing unusual. Except for this night. I was hot, tired, miserable, which was normal there. Brought something to read. Went into the male latrine trailer. Took off my sweat soaked shirt and pistol, laid them carefully in the floor and sat down. Thought I was going to have a quiet few minutes. The guys out there know what I mean. How Wrong I was. Suddenly, mortar rounds started screaming in and peppering the area around the latrine. The ground was shaking under me as each round exploded nearby. Wasn’t my first or last time under mortar attack. However, this one and only time I was frantic! And I panicked. All I could think about was the indignity of getting my shit scattered (no pun intended) while I was, well you know. I did NOT want to be killed sitting on the toilet. Getting killed in action was one thing. All kinds of embarrassing scenes flashed through my mind, kind of instantaneously, while I scrambled to get myself together. Hadn’t had to dress myself this fast since the cop caught my wife and I making out in the car at the airport in Cleveland many years ago. Master Sergeant Swirko United States Army, killed, by enemy fire, not in action against the enemy, but while taking a crap. May not even qualify for a posthumous Combat Infantry Badge. Funny how my mind works. This possibility…it was more than I could handle. I must have been quite the sight. Hope nobody saw that spectacle. Trying to button up, while simultaneously carrying my shirt and shoulder holster, all the while fleeing the latrine searching out some decent cover, only to find some fool outside yelling “Incoming, Incoming” as though we couldn’t figure it out ourselves. Yeah, it was bad. I scrambled to get myself together and out of the latrine and into the open and into incoming mortar fire, where I ACTUALLY FELT better, if not safer. So were the indignities we were forced to endure…ah, the sacrifices we make. War is hell, for sure!

During 2005 and 2006